i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
