That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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