First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
