Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
