He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
