Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my shit smells like andre
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
