Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I died a long time ago.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
