Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
