even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
