she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
