cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
