I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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