I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
