I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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