Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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