Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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