She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize