Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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