i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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