If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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