hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
