She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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