Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize