Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
