No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
