so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
