im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
