I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
