Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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