no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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