sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
