its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
