Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
