Your tits are I can't wait for
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
