jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
