I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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