Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
