I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
