He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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