he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
