I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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