hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
