I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
