We're facebook friends in real life
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
