I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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