If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
