Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
