Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
