Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
