Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize