VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
