i permit you to call me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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