yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
