I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
