I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
