how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
