Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
