I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
