When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
