The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
