at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
