I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
