did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
