she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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