Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize